Ending of the Year

Thought i'd better stick my nose round the door before 2010 ends .

My Blogging seems to have taken a back step these past couple of months . I don't know why . I just haven't got round to it for some reason.

Anyway here i am now . Since I last posted we've been away to Wales to visit our friends Artis-Anne and her DH Tony . We went by train as I'm still not driving.It was a brilliant week of walking , spinning , knitting , talking and eating . Unfortunately when I got back I had an attack of the post holiday blues. something I've not experienced since I was in my teens . But I bounced back and at the end of November I made my first trip to town on my own . So things are progressing I'm now down to half a milligram of Diazapam and should be off it completely in a week or so .

I've been very busy knitting Christmas presents and was rewarded yesterday by smiling Children and Grandchildren as they tried on their new togs .Silly me forgot to take pics :0(

The two Roberts

I can't end this Blog without mentioning my Darling Bobby . It's been a year since he left us but not a day goes by that I don't think of him . It's been hard this past week trying to get ready for Christmas and thinking of last year .I've got through it but not before I shed a lot of tears.

I seem to have a legacy of him though . Look carefully at the two photos above they are not of the same person .The one on the left is Bobby aged about 31 and the one on the right is my son Robert aged 31 .

So I still have a bit of Bobby here with me in my son who , incedently has his Uncle's nature as well as his looks .

I'll be glad to see the end of 2010 and I'm looking forward to a much brighter 2011.

I look forward to seeing you all  then when hopefully my blogging will be brighter and a bit more often .

Happy New Year to you all .

Still Here

It's nearly four weeks since i last Blogged , sorry . My blogging mojo hasn't come back properly yet . I think it's the actual taking pics and getting myself to sit at the computer for half an hour that does it .

Well I'm still progressing . I'm now down to 3mgrs of diazapam and the withdrawal syptoms aren't as bad as they were. My doc still won't let me drive :0( he says I've got to be completely off them before I can . I was having a pootle round the net the other day and found out that Diazapam is a Class C drug so no wonder he wants me off them .We are managing without the car . It only becomes a bugbear when DH has hospital appoinments then we have to sort lifts out . The supermarket is only a mile away and if we want to got to town we have our bus passes. 

My blogging mojo might not be up to scratch but the spinning and knitting are doing fine .

This is the fibre a dyed last month , all spun up waiting to be knit .It's not taken me as long as I thought . I was only going to spin an hour a day with it but I felt so relaxed whilst doing it I spent a little longer each day spinning. I'll have to find another project to spin now :0)

These are some of the socks I've knitted for Christmas presents . I started knitting them back in August when I needed to do something to focus my mind on . They are just plain socks but they kept me sane .

Some little cardigans for our expected Grandchild . It's not due till March so I dare say there will be a few more made before then .

And a bit of retro from the 80's. Chunky legwarmers . They are really warm and great for keeping the cold out  whilst out walking Meg .

I've got a few more things on the needles . Got to keep busy as I'm missing getting ready for Grassington in December. I will greatly misss doing it this year as we have been going for the past 15 years . One good thing is the lady who organises it has said we can have our places back next year which I think is very kind .

We have something to look forward to though . Next month we are off to Wales to stay with our friends Artis-Anne and her lovely DH . It will be quite an adventure as we are going on the train . I'm so looking forward to staying in there gorgeous cottage in the Welsh mountains . It will do me more good than pills :0)

Turning Corners and Setting Goals

 Tuesday saw another turn of the Year's Wheel and we slipped into Autumn with a chill in the air .

I don't know where this year has gone with all that's been happening to me but I feel I have turned a corner over the last few weeks .My councelling comes to an end on Tuesday . I have found this a great help and A my councellor has been a tower of strength . Helping me get my life back on track . I also now have a Support Worker helping me come off the dreaded Diazapam . That's going to take about another eight to ten weeks so my plans for driving again have been put on a longer hold as my Doc won't let me drive till I'm off them completely :0(

 I decided this week that I needed something to keep me occupied long term so I have set myself a goal . Itis to dye , spin and knit a cardigan . I've been spinning but only 100grms of this and that and appart from socks and scarves you can't do much with the finished yarn. So on Monday the dyes came out and 700grms of Falkland Merino fibre.

 My stupid camera doesn't do the fibre justice . For some reason it doesn't recognise purple . So for blue read purple . I will keep you posted with the results .

 Today if I'd been fit and well and able to drive I would have been at the Masham Sheep Fair . I was quite upset this morning that I couldn't go , especially as the sun was shining and Artis- Anne and Ambermoggie were going to be there . 

I had to make do with a long walk with Papa Bear instead .

We went on our favourite railway walk but this time we had to walk to it from home so we only did part of it . I've still not got the stamina for over long walks . We have been making do with walks around the park at the back of our house but there's only so many different permutations of walking round there and I felt like a change. It's the first time for months that we have been down the railway and I really enjoyed it .

The hawthorn bushes were absolutly laden with haws . It was just a sea of red . If folklore is to be believed it looks like we are in for another bad Winter .

The Himalayan Balsam was in full bloom and the air was heady with their perfume .

Tomorrow we are off to son Number 3 's for lunch and another little adventure , we are going on the train . 

Not been on a train for ages but we have to use public transport at the moment with not being able to drive. At least I'm saving fuel . The petrol tank hasn't been filled up since April and there is more than half a tank still in :0)

A Trip Out and some Good News

Last Friday we took a trip out to see Ambermoggie and Mr Mog in Morecambe . I usually drive there but as I'm not allowed to at the moment due to the medication I'm on, we used our bus passes and went on the bus.

I don't think we'll be doing it again in a hurry . It took two hours , were it usually takes me under an hour to drive. We had a lovely day with Amber and Mr Mog but I bit a little bit to much off with the journey . I was shattered by the time we got home . But it was another step forward. 

On Sunday I took another huuuuge step forward and visited the grave of my Darling Bobby. I havn't been able to bring myself to go since his funeral on that cold January day .Though it was very emotional I'm glad I've been .

On Wednesday we had to spend six hours at the hospital as poor Papa Bear has been diagnosed with Wet Macular Degenertion in his right eye. He had to have tests then treatment in the afternoon .I managed to stay quite calm throughout such along time . We've got to go through it all again twice more yet.I'm glad I'm not him as the treatment involves an injection into his eye .Hopefully they will work and stop the condition getting worse.

Last night I reached another goal and went to S'n'B . It was good to see everybody after such a long time and I got loads of hugs off everyone . So quite a busy week 

I'm feeling more and more like myself . The only down side is I am having terrible trouble sleeping . I think it could be due to the fact that my body got used to the over medication and now it can't get into a deep enough sleep on it's own. Some nights I feel like I haven't been to sleep at all .Any tips on this would be gratefully received.

And now the Good News . We are to be Grandparents for the sixth time. Our youngest and his girlfriend are expecting the patter of tiny feet in March . We are so pleased.

Getting about .

Things are improving and I can feel my old self creeping back to life .I've had a few trips to the supermarket with my good neighbour , Carol . I manage to get out for a walk every day with DH . This really helps . An hour in the fresh air and out of the house . I'd go stir crazy otherwise.

The councelling is going well , though it's very emotionally draining . I never expected it it to be be so hard. I've three more sessions to go yet.

Last Saturday my great No3 son managed to get the whole family together . It's a logistical nightmare getting them together as No 1 son lives down south and the other three work shifts . But luckily No 1 son was holidaying in Derbyshire , which isn't far , and everyones shifts fitted in . No 3 son booked a table at the local pub and we went out for a belated Ruby Wedding celebration. It was lovely to have all the children and Grandchildren together but I did feel a bit over whelmed and just sat there listening to all the conversations .Sadly no pics as I forgot my camera . Luckily No 3 son had his and took loads of pics for me and is going to make a collage of them .

Today I took another step forward and we went to town on the bus .We had a wander round and went for a coffee at my favourite coffee shop. We only went for an hour or so but it's a start .

My next goal is to go to S'N'B but at the moment I'm not sleeping very well and by the evening I'm shattered so that will have to wait a little while longer.

The Bank Holiday looms and it will be strange not working . I'm really missing going out to the shows and meeting people but I've got to keep looking forwards and think about next year . No 3 son says i should look upon this year as my Gap Year .

Getting there .

Well I'm getting there slowly but surely.The good days are overtaking the bad , though I'm going through a bit of a rough spell at the moment as I am coming off the Diazapam . It's not easy and I wish to God I'd never been put on them . I now think I know what it's like for a junkie going through detox ha ha ! .

On a brighter note I've got my knitting Mojo back , though I'm only knitting socks at the moment . It's nice to feel the yarn and needles passing through my hands and it does help to calm me down .I've been spinning as well and that has the same effect . My hand spun stash is growing bigger so I'll have to start knitting some of it up soon .Another plus is on Friday  I went shopping for the first time in ages . Our neighbour very kindly  took us . I needed a rest when I got back . It's suprising how something as simple as that can tire you out when you've not done it for ages .But I did it .

I'm hoping to get back to S'n'B soon . I'm missing everybody and it does get us out of the house for an evening. 

I also miss not being able to drive and go out when we like. We've made few short trips out by bus  but i miss the convenience of just nipping to places in the car. Ah! well I will just have to wait a bit longer till I'm off the dreaded diazapam .

One more thing before I go . I made a huge ommition in my last post . On the 27th of last month me and Papa Bear celebrated our Ruby Wedding . Very quietly though but we plan to have a party as soon as I'm well enough.

An Update

At last i've got enough concentration to give you an update.Four weeks ago after having a " funny turn" over the weekend DH booked me into the doc's . My regular doc was not there again so he'd booked me in to see another. As I was unable to drive DD came over to take me. Whilst waiting for my appointment I collapsed in the waiting room. Anyway somehow they got me into the treatment room where I came to and started to panic . DH had taken all my medication to show the doc what I was on and when he and the other doctor , who'd picked me up, saw the cocktail of drugs they were visibly shocked accourding to my DD. They both reckoned I was on far to much . The new doctor we had the appoinment with was very nice and took charge straight away . He took me off all the medication except the Diazapam , which can't be stopped abruptly .Then proceeded to get me down from the ceiling. Which DD said seemed to take forever . When i'd finally calmed down the doc said he was leaving me off the medication for 48 hrsand made me an appointment to go back in two days .When I returned after the two days he put me on one new antideppressant and the Diazapam. He was so caring and concerned that I decided there and then to change over to seeing him.
He saw me every other day for two weeks and got me off one of the Diazapam. The other antidepressant has been increased and this week I started the painful task of coming off the Diazapam.
Before the crisis came to a peak I felt like a zombie with all the drugs iwas on but now there is a glimmer of light at the end of a very dark tunnel. The doc says there's a long way to go yet but with his help and the councelling I'm getting I should come out of this terrible time and back to normal.
I have had to cancel all my shows , which has been a great dissapointment , as I love going out doing them . The car and the caravan are parked up as I can't use them , again upsetting .
I felt so let down by my other doc as i'd been seeing him for 25yrs but he's semi retired now and I think he's losing interest in his patients . Anyway I seem to be in the hands of a good concerned one now .
My DH has been a tower of strength during all this as have my family . I have also got some very good friends who have run me to the docs and a one very special friend who takes me to my councelling and waits outside for an hour whilst I have my session. I don't know what I would do without them all .
This has all been very painful to write, as those of you who know the Black Dog of deppression well ,but I thought it might do me good to get it down in black and white and also to update my many readers. I will try and update a little more often to let you know of my progress.

I won't be at Woolfest

Just to say I won't now be at Woolfest. 

The " Black Dog " of depression has sunk it's claws in my back and I can't budge it .

I am heartbroken

I hope you all have a wonderful time and by lots of goodies .

See you all next year X

I'm still here.

Just to let you all know I am still around. 

I've just been through a a few weeks of the vilest depression I've ever suffered.I definately do not want to go through that again. I won't bore you with all the details but I felt awful and completely lost.

I had two more visits to A&E and on the second one I met the most wonderful psychiatric nurse I have ever met . He was sympathetic but firm and sat and talked to me for over an hour . The result was he has jumped through hoops to get me on the list for councelling. What a star he's been . He convinced me I wasn't going mad and that all the things that I was going through was perfectly normal for someone getting through a bad bereavment, but it will be an uphill struggle

I had a two hour assessment last week , which did me the world of good and am due another one this Thursday . I've been put through as  priority case so hopefully help is in sight .

I've come on in leaps and bounds this week .My goal is Woolfest next week. I do so hope I'm well enough.Some of my emergency medication will be reduced by the end of the week and I'll be able to drive .

Sorry it's not been a very colourful jolly post but I just wanted to put all my readers in the picture and that I've not deserted you all.

Wonderwool .

I know I'm a bit late posting how I got on at Wonderwool but the truth is I've been knackered all week .

Anyway better late than never.

I woke up Friday morning with the colly wobbles about towing the caravan with the new car . To be honest I had the colly wobbles about towing the caravan full stop . I realised it had been eight months since I'd been out with it so I was enititled to feel jittery.Anyway we got hooked up and set off . It took me about five miles to relax and enjoy driving . It's a bit like riding a bike once you get back on your fine.

We got there in plenty of time and got all set up.

I had a secret weapon this year for setting up quick . Ikea cardboard boxes . I just had to take the lid off and put them on the stand . Seeemples:0) It made a big difference to the time setting up . I reckon I knocked a good hour off.

I had a helper on the stall this year , Julie , from S'N'B came along to help man the stall in return for bed and board in the caravan . We had a very good weekend . Saturday was brilliant but Sunday was very slow but over the two days takings were up 50% on last year . I can now pay my wool bill :0)

Today is Mayday/ Beltaine . Another turn of the wheel of the year .

It would also have been my Darling Bobby's 73rd birthday. This is another of what I call " firsts " that I am going through .I miss him teribbly and not a day goes by that I don't think about him .

Happy Birthday Big Brother XXXx

I'm all ready for Wonderwool.

     

The car is all packed up , so is the caravan. Just a few bits and pieces to put in and we are ready for the off tomorrow. When i think of what state I was in two weeks ago , I was ready for cancelling cos I didn't think I'd make it . Anyway the pills and the doctor have woven their magic and I'm back in the driving seat again.

We had a lovely walk yesterday . The sky was so blue and all the fruit trees were in blossom.

I'm not sure what fruits they all are yet but they looked stunning against the blue of the sky they just begged to be photographed.

And there were loads of cowslips .

What a difference the Sun and flowers blooming make to our moods .The weather forcast is set good for weekend so hopefully we'll come home with some empty boxes :0)

Easter , signs of Spring and a bit of a backward step.

This is a week or so late posting but read on amd you'll find out why.

We spent our first Easter at home in 17 years . We are usually out working but I didn't fancy spending four days in a marquee freezing my butt off . Instead we had our good friends Annie and Tony up from Wales.

Here they are enjoying our favourite railway walk . The weather was warm and fine and we had a brilliant weekend . it was lovelyhaving them stay with us instead of the other way round.

Unfortunately two days later my health took a HUGE step backwards . I was panicky and very weepy and I couldn't understand why I was like this after such a good weekend . DH managed to get me into the doctors who was as puzzled as we were but after a long chat he decided he'd taken me off some of my tablets a bit to soon . So now I'm back on them and after a weeks rest am feeling better. It looks like I'll be on them for quite a while now .Never mind I'd rather be taking them than feeling how I felt last week .

DH took me for a walk in the sunshine on Tuesday and everywhere there were signs of Spring .

Forsythia

Lovely Primroses 

and the Willow in blossom.

The weather has been gorgeous this week though there's been a cold wind . My spirits are once again lifted and I'm in the last throws of getting ready for Wonderwool Wales , which I didn't think I was going to manage to get there.I think all will be well now .

First 5 Kilos

Well it's that time of year folks when the dyes come out to play .

This is the first 5 kilos to be dyed this year :0)

Only 12 to go . All before Wonderwool at the end of April . Will I get it done you ask , watch this space.

I've drawn up a plan of action and if this week is anything to go by I'll do it.

I'm way behind with not being well . Before Christmas I had planned to start work in February but things didn't wrk out that way. Anyway i'm getting better and am in the process of having my pills reduced  . Hopefully I will stop doing a very good impersination of The Dormouse in Alice in Wonderland.

I have made a big decision as well , cutting back on the shows, drastically. We will only be doing four shows this Summer as well as Wonderwool and Woolfest . No going away for two months in the Lakes . Last year was the straw that broke the camel's back .The torrential rain and winds of last year just finished us . But you watch we'll probably have a hot Summer now we aren't going up to Cumbria . But who cares we are going to enjoy doing the garden instead . We've already started planting seeds and DH planted the first spuds today .

I'm looking forward to growing flowers whilst DH gets on with the veg .

Spinning Wheel for Sale

I am parting with my Ashford Traveller Spinning Wheel . The reason being is I have just bought a new one . This time a Lendrum which is easier and quicker to spin with . I am loath to part with it but I just don't have the room for three wheels . I won't be parting with my hand painted Traddy though:0)

There are some bits and pieces as well .

Ashford Traveller . Less that a year old , mint condition.

£240 + postage ( now not for sale .changed my mind :0) )

Ashford Lace Flyer for Taditional or Traveller . Never been used .

£80 + postage SOLD

Competition Lazy Kate .£20 + postageSOLD

There are five extra bobbins as well SOLD

If you want to buy the whole lot I will give free postage .

Anyone interested can get in touch by email info(at)laalbear(dot)co(dot)uk replace words with signs :0)

or if you are on Ravelry you can PM me there ,Laalbear.

Thank you for looking .

A long Weekend in Wales ( pic heavy)

We've just come back from a few days in Wales , were we stayed with our good friends Artis Anne and her DH Tony . We should have gone last week but they were both poorly .Still we got there in the end. 

Annie had got us free tickets to go to Portmerion.I'll not bothere with tags for the pictures just enjoy.

 

 

 

A rare pic of me and DH :0). It's not often we get photographed together .

We had a lovely time . It was very quiet as it was out of season. I've been there when it's been full of tourists .

Annie and Tony made us most welcome and the days were filled with spinning , knitting , watching films and eating . Annie is a fabulous cook and I felt sure I'd put a stone on , but was glad to find out I hadn't . 

Monday was Tony's turn to take us out . We went on a long walk through the woods .

 

The mountains covered in snow.

We came across this white peacock but he didn't show us his tail.

Someone had cut a seat in this fallen log.

Just the place to have a rest.

Meg sunning herself.

There were some fantastic waterfalls .

All to soon our stay was over . It did me the power of good . It's nice to spend time with good friends who are as like minded as yourselves . We've been invited back so we must have behaved ourselves :0)

And the word for this year is Diversify :0)

Well now Laal Bear is having a bit of a change in what she makes.

I've been doing Craft Fairs now for 17 years and I've decided to have a bit of a change .

I won't be going out to the fairs much this year as the Doc has told me to take things a bit easy .The albums I used to make haven't been selling very fast so I'm selling them off . So I pondered what to do to make a few pennies. First off Buttons .

Using good old Fimo .

Millifiore ( don't know if I've spelt that right :0) ) ones.

Ones I made earlier . I've stitched them on to nice card . I took them to S'n'B last night and the girls where impressed .

Next we have lavender satchets . I got a load of lavender last year from a lady in the next close who was going to throw it away . So I made these to use it .

Finally soaps and bath bombs . 

I took some of these up to the farm shop I supply and she wants me to put some up there . She reckons they will be ideal as Mother's Day Gifts . 

Fear not my wolly and fibre friends I ain't giving up on the wool and fibre . These are just a little side line to help me along . I wouldn't give up my dyeing and spinning for anybody .

Getting Better.

At last there is light at the end of the tunnel . I don't know if it's the new tablets or the bad weekend I had that brought things to a head but I am feeling very well . I've started cooking and cleaning again , so that's a good sign . I've also been knitting and spinning.

Socks for me . Knit with my handspun Corriedale in Roses in the Snow colour way.

Socks for Stacey , No 3 son's lady . Hand dyed BFL ,colour way Happy Hippy .

Handspun Corriedale for DH some socks.

Hand dyed ,hand spun BFL/Silk colourway Maji.For sale .

Hand dyed , hand spun Merino/Bamboo . For sale .

Hand dyed , hand spun Falkland ,colourway Candy Apple . For sale .

Hand dyed hand spun Falkland , colourway Honey Bee . For sale .

The spinning has been a great therapy as I get lost in a world of my own when I'm doing it .

Signs of Spring .

We took the car in today for a bit of fettling and as it was only going to take an hour we took the dogs down with us then went off for a walk . We were lucky as the garage isn't very far from our favourite walk . The Railway Walk .

Shoots are pushing there way up .

Two tiny snowdrops.

Leaves bursting from there buds on the trees.

You can just see the farmer on his tractor muck spreading the fields .

Daffodils in bud. They'll be out soon .

And I had to take a pic of this dead tree . It reminded me of a swan's neck and head .

It was a lovely walk and the Sun made it all the better.